Monday, May 14, 2012

A Time for Everything

If you're looking for a post that is a light surface update on the goings-on of farm life, this isn't it, so I'm giving you fair warning.  It's been two days of a lot of deep reflection, so this is one of those introspective journal-type entries that just seems warranted from time to time.

Yesterday was mother's day, and it struck a chord with me that a year ago, on that day, a series of events was set in motion that changed my life in fairly huge ways.  Some fantastic, some not so fantastic.  Those of you particularly close to me may know what I'm referring to, and those of you that don't will just have to wonder - because I've learned a lot about what you should and shouldn't put out there for the world to find in the global expanse of the internet. 

At first, I spent a lot of time wallowing in bitterness and resentment.  It has seemed to come full circle several times, but every time I sense a bit of peace with the situation, it seems that some sort of bomb goes off and the situation implodes back into old unresolved issues. 

So, phase one was full of a lot of anger.  Not a fun place to be, and definitely not healthy.  Then it phased into wanting to make amends, because after taking the time to really think about it, I realized that I had to take ownership of my actions as well - and bottom line, everyone played a part. 

Well, I realized something this morning.  There is things in life you just can't take back.  Which means that sometimes, maybe you can't recover from them.  And maybe that's okay - that is the part I am still trying to figure out for certain.  You see, had the sequence of events that seemed SO devastating at the time never happened, I wouldn't be where I am today.  And where I am is really, truly okay.  I am in a good place, even though it's taken awhile to get here.  So many things have been coming together lately, in every aspect of life. 

So in short, I suppose it okay to look back and be wistful at times.  We can miss the people that departed our lives for reasons that don't really make sense.  It's a part of life.  But at the same time, we cannot spend too much time dwelling in the past, or we'll miss the future that's spreading open in front of us.

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:
    a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
    a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
    a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
    a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
    a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
    a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
    a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

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